Sorry, It’s Not You, It’s Me...

Ending things is never easy. Even if it’s needed, sometimes that makes it worse. And I’m not just talking about relationships, sure that’s a whole loada shit everyone could do without, but endings of all kinds never gets easier. Having to find the right way to deal with it, the emotions, blah, blah, blah. Urgh. It’s not pleasant. Well my “ending” was of a slightly different kind as it was with alcohol.

Don’t worry, this isn’t going to be some kind of preachy post like, ‘come on and join me on my quest to sobriety. Let’s get on a health kick together’ type thing. Hahahah. Nope. Not one bit like that. I’m never going to be a tee-total, let’s just get that straight right away. I can still enjoy a G&T every now and again, or maybe a glass of fizz on a Friday 🥂 But i think it’s more about finding a better relationship with alcohol. Not a life that’s dependent on weekends out getting drunk for the sheer hell of it anymore. I thought ‘breaking up with alcohol’ would be harder than it actually was. But I guess, like all endings, if you’re ready for it, you know it’s gonna happen and the timing is right, then it just works. Everything just easily falls into place. My last big night drinking was Wednesday 20th September. And I remember that as it also marked the end of my time working for my last job. Alcohol seemed the perfect way to celebrate and let off some well needed steam. I had also decided to sign up for ‘Sober October’ so like a baby was starting to wean myself off it slowly but surely. Obviously you will have seen from my ‘It’s A Wonderful Life...’ post the things I was dealing with at the time so most will get why I chose to end this relationship. And honestly, I haven’t looked back. Of course I have enjoyed a glass or two since the beginning of November but mad nights out just aren’t on my list of to do things anymore. Firstly, now I’m working for myself I have to be on the ball constantly. Early nights happen to ensure I’m fresh for the next day. I cannot work with hangovers. At all. End of. No question. It just can’t happen. I rely on myself for the day. And me with hangover.? Well, let’s not go there. And secondly, wine now tastes like poison. Yep. From the girl who could easily get through two bottles a night. I can just about handle a large glass. At a push. And I mean a real push. These days I can’t wait to get home to switch the kettle on 😂 I don’t say that I’m always going to feel like this but for now, it was just what the doctor ordered. Quite literally. 

My bank balance is also a lot healthier (as well as my body, but again I’m defs not one of these ‘my body is a temple’ kinda folk. As if. You only have to look at the amount of chocolate I eat to know this isn’t the case.) My state of mind is quite honestly like someone else’s mind. I look in the mirror everyday and have to remind myself that it is actually me in there. I honestly would never have recommended someone to try a fully dry month (I would now however. Just the once. And tell me that you can’t tell a massive difference!!!)  I think I would have laughed at any one for doing it. How awful. But something in me knew that I had to do it. More for my mental state of mind. Alcohol was bringing out all the negative thoughts. And because at times I had a lot of it in my system, I therefore had a lot of negative thoughts in my head. Imagine that. Just living life negatively all the time. Thinking the worst. Living the worst. No confidence (just false drunken confidence) Low self esteem. Everything at an all time low. And now I am the complete opposite. And of course I know that quitting alcohol hasn’t changed that but I definitely believe it’s played a massive part. I think your mind overrides anything in a person. What we do. What we think. Trying to change your mind is bloody hard. We all know that. But making that decision and sticking with it is also hard. But hard work is worth it in the end. We all know that too.

So, something had to give. And alcohol was top of the list. And so just like the title says, it wasn’t alcohol, it was me. But it was kinda alcohol AND me together that just didn’t work anymore. We became incompatible. Just like people. It was time to end the toxic relationship. And, just like that. I did it. 💁🏻

Happy Tuesday! Go enjoy a wine, a beer or a tea. I will NEVER be one to judge. You only live once, right??! 🤷🏻‍♀️    

Xxx